Useless Contact

 
 
 
   

Contact UI

Search UI

   

 

Close Encounter? 

  Title: Legal Disclaimer

00.02.01

 
DISCLAIMER: This web site is a verisimilitude of experience. Said plainly, it is not real. Every person perceives reality differently. What is not real to one person may be both real AND really offensive to another person. We recognize that some people may be offended by some material on this site. While we do not condone any truly harmful and abusive reality, we also believe that the real reality that this site approximates is actually much worse than the verisimilitude we have presented here. For this we are truly sorry and we humbly apologize for the actions and consequences of actions of our "real world" colleagues. 

WARNING: This site contains social and political satire - use at your own risk. In no event will its creators, sponsors or affiliates be liable to any party or for any direct, indirect, or other consequential damages from any use of this website, or any other hyperlinked web site. That being said, many would-be claimants regardless feel the need to file a claim.   

FILING A CLAIM: A person (claimant) who requests to recover monetary damages for bodily injury or personal property, (including automobile claims) allegedly caused by the Useless Industries or its employees, officers, agents, or volunteers, must do so within 180 days after the date of the occurrence. Useless employees are neither to accept liability nor furnish information on incidents or accidents, and should refer the claimant to the risk manager immediately after knowledge of a potential or actual claim.

MAILING ADDRESS:

Useless Industries
Legal Claims Department
17825, 2nd Avenue North
Plymouth, MN 55447-3402

REQUEST FOR 'OUT OF COURT' SETTLEMENT: In many cases, Useless Industries has found it convenient to set up a covert meeting for the purposes of arriving at an 'out of court' settlement - commonly known as hush money. If you feel that your case is strong enough to warrant such an arrangement (past cases have included such items as video taped evidence of malfeasance, official company documents demonstrating willful intent of wrong-doing or deliberate attempts to cover up actual or perceived acts of unethical, immoral, or simply outrageous behavior) please use the form below to arrange a covert meeting with a Useless Executive. Terms of any such settlement are strictly confidential and both claimant and claimee, their heirs, and assignees are subject to gag orders in perpetuity not to exceed the radioactive decay half life of an atom of plutonium (approximately 24,000 years.)

Name
E-mail

Enter your claim request in the space provided below.

       

Related Documents
Community Forum 01.04.01

 

  Home | About UI | Products | Investors | Community Forum | Customer Support | Careers
 

 

 

Copyright 2002 Useless Industries - Only Some Rights Reserved

.

Useless Industries is John Powell Robert Stacy Robert Spande